During a party in the woods, you venture off into the darkness to take a wiz. All of the sudden, you get yanked into the air in a large net. The people who have trapped you aren’t people at all; they are a legion of bipedal raccoons, bears, skunks, squirrels, and goats that hyper-mutated from contact with toxic waste that spilled into their habitat. Turns out their shaman—a senile old bunny—prophesized that a visitor wearing strange clothing would come into their village and become their leader. Since the only clothing the forest creatures have ever seen is a loin cloth, your Billabong Derby Poly Shirt makes you a shoe-in to receive the royal treatment.