'Excuse me, sir. would you mind stepping over here for a moment, please.'
Cram everything you own into the DC Jet-Setter Bag and split for another country (any other country). You didn't do it, but the evidence is pretty tough to argue with. The retractable handle and skate wheels take the pain out of pulling the jet-Setter through the airport, features that are especially appreciated while you dodge security cameras. Divided interior pockets keep the evidence—er, your clothes—organized, and the smooth DC stripe pattern proudly displays your good taste and takes the attention off your fake mustache.