That’s what they get for eating too many doughnuts. The cops, not the gerbils.
Pull on the Subway 2 Sweater by DC before evading tubby police officers in back alleyways. They can’t ID you where it’s dark and shadowy anyway. When they barrel out into the daylight only to find your classy ass helping an old lady across the street, they’ll never guess it was you who shaved all the gerbils.