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Woosh Woosh—this is a dream.

Your Forum Men’s Stryper Sweater has summoned you to its study for a serious discussion. You sit down on the other side of the fine mahogany coffee table as it puffs on the hookah and prepares to drop knowledge. You proceed to listen to a speech about how your ancestors had to kill things to get warm clothes and about how lucky you are to have the Stryper. You’re an ungrateful little twit for leaving it in the closet the past two days and if you don’t wear it soon, it’ll use its monocle to send you back in time so you can see what you’ve been taking for granted.

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