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You’re up against an entire room full of sociopathic, murderous clowns—but you aren’t sweating it. Zip up your Fourstar Norris Full-Zip Hooded Sweatshirt, and get ready to go Walker, Texas Ranger on that ass. As you take out the first wave of weirdos with a spinning roundhouse, you reflect on the value of all the cheesy martial-arts movies you watched as a kid.

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