Where did the ‘roommate wanted’ classified ads people find you anyway?
Don’t blame your ongoing beer-pilfering habits on the Fourstar Pirate Gradient Premium T-Shirt. Did you really just drink your roommate’s last Über-Dunkelweiss Noogen Dügen? Dude, that stuff goes for $15 a bottle. And saying ‘My soft cotton T-shirt told me to do it’ is not going to keep him from cracking the empties over your head. While you’re at it, put some pants on and get that pigeon off your shoulder—you look ridiculous.