Striped and smoother than a bald man's head in a dunk tank.
Pull your Matix Men's Rosseau Short from your backpack and put them on before you exit the L train. We're not sure why you road the subway in your underwear, but we're going to guess that you didn't want to soil your new threads. Some people will do anything to keep their favorite shorts looking minty, and you just happen to go the extra step. Props for that.