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Spirit animal? What kind of a flea-market fortune teller wrote this crap?

You mustn't eat our Neff Critter Beanie. You must love your beanie and stroke your beanie. You can even use it to blend in at the zoo when mom finally kicks you out of the pool shed and you're forced to sleep in a refrigerator box at municipally-operated public parks around the city. Pick the hat that speaks to your spirit animal with the most truth, but don't think about your choice too hard ... you don't choose your animal; its essence chooses you.

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Unanswered Question

How big is the one size?

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How big is the one size?