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In a flash, Jerry had donned his Nike Almost Paradise Hat and could feel this flatbrim’s mesh-lined front panel keeping his head cool while he lit up the lawn with a hot two-step. Before long, the somber funeral party was getting low next to Jerry and his stretchy acrylic and wool hat, and the pastor was scratching up a storm. Where’d this down-to-boogey-clergyman get a set of turntables you ask? Leave that up to the magic of the Almost Paradise—a hat that makes it rain even in the presence of death.

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