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When you put on the Nixon Plastic Meddler Belt, you can tell all the ladies that you’re sponsored by Nixon and sent back in time to alter the fashion-time continuum. Unlike more risky attempts to alter space and time, this one only involves one piece of clothing at a time. With this belt (you tell them), you will steer modern society closer to an enlightenment that unites the whole world, ends all war, and makes everyone proud to walk down the street.

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